In my own words

You taught me the best things in life are free
But wanting them has made me the enemy
Why do you see me as the unfair judge of your  flawless character
cos I dared to request that u priotise my calls at midnight
You simply pronounced me a “nobody”
just one of many you can’t tolerate lashing at you

How do I make u see
That complaint is not critique
That my tantrums do not amount to condemnation
That my frown in disapproval don’t mean we must call it quits
I wish i knew the right words to tell you
So I’d never be the victim of your self defense

How does every utterance of mine
trigger a reminder that you’re standing at d door.
That you’re ever so ready to throw it all away in a battle to safeguard your threatened ego
The determination I can spot even from three attempted calls and your last sms
I plead the fifth…you’ve won not knowing so
I may rant and hope but I end up settling for a kiss and hug…little things that matter most

I just wish that someday you’d see
That this jealousy emanates from the heart of a woman who loves you
That missing you is why an unanswered call will bother me
That my desperation to let you into my thoughts is borne from what I feel for you deep within

I don’t want to live my life in constant fear that my words will push u away….so scared I’d attempt being mute just to make you stay.
I can try but then I fear that u may never comprehend the simplicity of my heart’s desires.
That your love will continually discard my thoughts as insecurities
That you will constantly disregard my feelings and term my wants “the trivial”

I wish you could stumble into my shoes and walk in them long enough to understand…
this pain I feel each time you suggest the door…cos u don’t know just what it took to be here.
Yes, right here…where I stand,staring in that direction
waiting on you to shut the door
…walking away just to prove that you can
I’m too tired to fight…too weak to cry

You may know alternatives ,but I know choices.
I  made my choice…I chose you
…I just doubt if that will ever count.

 

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Author: Cheeks

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