Anonymously Ade said…..

Lady, You make me laugh. It seems you ooncede that your fears of financial insecurity was the “greatest” (keyword: greatest) reason why you walked away–Not saying that there might not be other reasons, but it’s obvious that it’s the greatest premise for your exit. Be that as it is, you should not get so angry because I illuminated this fact.Neither should you be irate at my disaproval of this premise as the greatest reason for deserting this guy named Temi.The point of my comment was not to paint you as a woman who completely depends on her man for all financial sxpenditures, although I don’t see anything wrong with that if it is a conscious choice by any woman.In the following quote, you assert your accomplishment as a graduate on a career ($$$$) path:”i am a graduate plus a careea woman who is competent and able to care of herself and her family.however the least i require from my man is that he is able to provide the family with security even financially.”With all the feminist and “modern” philosophies circulating many intellectual circles (including all these “bloggers”), I’m surprised that that you would be so disturbed about being the predominant breadwinner of the family. Afterall, they say that what a man can do, or has been doing since the beginning of time, a woman can do better.Why, as a modern woman should you be so greatly disturbed about the traditional, ancient, or common gender role or shoe of the man as the provider being on the other foot? In this case, YOUR foot.If he were the career man, and you the struggling actor, would this be such an issue?Oh career woman (which is a great thing), kindly ask yourself, How modern am I?Perhaps we fool ourselves, as our sense of modernization seems…..selective. LOL.I sure hope you haven’t concluded that I’m favor of lazy men who cannot provide for their family. I’m not. This Temi guy is obviously not lazy as you expressed that….”Truthfully, He was willing to grab any opportunity for a better career if it came by.” This is even more dissapointing because the above quote hints at the possibility of this man leaving his beloved profession of acting for something more……..lucrative. Yet you left him because in your words…..”I had neither the time nor patience to wait for a man dangerously approaching 40 to find his footing and get a more secure source of livelihood.”Upon objectively analyzing the situation, lol, I have to say it was an insensitive move on your part, and I hoped that you have since married a banker.Have you? Anyway,The greatest possibility you overlooked is the fact that he could still be highly successful in his chosen craft, and your concerns for financial insecurity could sooner evaporate, presuming you’d chosen to stick with him through his rough times as a struggling actor.Since you’ve expressed your ability to provide for the family, which I greatly respect, I wonder why you seem to contradict yourself with the quote below:”i want a man that i’ll support and will support me in return.all i demand is that he at least has a steady source of livelihood even if he must still be an actor.”I’m not exactly King Solomon, but I don’t think that support is limited to finances or money. For a practical example, you can support the family financially, and he can support you in perhaps becoming a CEO or President in your career path.Afterall, behind every great woman is a supportive man.If money is not the practical problem, and if support is not limited strictly to money, one must ask: What other reason led you to leave this man in the cold? I could be wrong, but the answer seems to lie in the following excerpt from your original post:”Where I come from it will be hard to explain this place to them.”Aha, That’s it. Financial insecurity is not a problem, because you make enough to support a family–You said so yourself. Your true concern is not of finaicial insecurity (which is not even a definite because you don’t know his tomorrow), instead your greatest fear is of facing your family. Perhaps you wondered how your people would accept and respect a man who was not a robust breadwinner, instead an artist who devoted himself to a particular craft, acting.Talk about being realistic–I too, am a realist.Perhaps (KEYWORD: Perhaps) you’ve reached this conclusion, and concocted this veil, to cover your exit from his life.You certainly conceal it with your story, so craftilly written with great eloquence, but I see through.Just so you know though, I’m not putting you down. I simply disapprove.And for the record, It seems that most of these bloggers don’t really want the truth, or at least an alternative/objective opinion.Many just seem to want legions of like minds to religiously approve whatever they vomit (keyword: vomit), however reckless, or insensitive it may be.LOL, Am I a jerk? If so, sorry o!You, and your minnions of like minds, may commence my crucifixition. Don’t forget the kitchen sink.P.SI wouldn’t be surprised if this particular comment were barred from the eyes of the populace, as you exercise your discretion to screen the opinions brought forth, a function of what? Not truly seeking adverse opinions. Adios.

Chika Replies:I find it rather interesting that I have a fan in you thanks to the fact that I decided to leave Temi or how else will I explain this new blog of yours on my page in the name of the series of your comments. I also happen to find it interesting that you think so much of yourself and your chauvinistic assault in the name of comments which is the reason why you have repeatedly tagged every reply from and my fellow bloggers and me as a display of anger.
I am elated that you noticed that I am proud to assert my accomplishments as a career woman but I can’t help wondering why you think it bothers me that I am wearing the shoes of the so called career men if I am so proud to announce it. it is a thing a pride Mr MAN not a burden because am sure that you have noticed it is something that certain people haven’t been able to achieve either by virtue of the constraints involved in their chosen profession or as a result of societal mishaps. So my dear, while you rant on and on bear in mind that I am neither tradition nor society and I certainly do not make the rules. It is not my fault that the likes of Temi decide to have a passion that in my own opinion can barely sustain the family. It’s his choice so he’d have to strive harder to live his dream and be ready to take all the downsides too. No doubt, I’d maintain that Temi might be interested in greener pastures if the opportunity came by but how much longer would I wait? Wait a minute…did u also say that he might have had financial break through in his profession if I stuck with him through his struggling years. Wake up dude! I said an actor in Nigeria not America. For your information, I have waited for 2 years during which I have dined and spoken with the best of them all and a common notion they all have is they must have a plan B.Being a successful Nigerian artist is definitely far-fetched whether you want to face it or not. I understand where your loyalty lies but I’d say it’s good to be patriotic but it’s so much better to be honest. I admire people who stand up for what they do as artists Nigeria because it takes a lot but if you do not belong to this class then forgive me for regarding your words as a lame attempt at modesty.
Finally………..you who is not the angry and biased one actually asked if I had since married a banker?Hey yah! Pele o! Because you don’t have the privilege of seeing and knowing me, I’d forgive your misapprehensions. If you knew me then you’d know that if I was dying to be married I’d have settled for one out of the chains of the elite in the society that fall on top of themselves over my person and outstanding beauty. I never said that the only criteria was having a steady job, it would have just been the factor that would have complemented the many other attributes I found in Temi.Lets me repeat myself, I want a man that will support me and I’ll support him too. I never have thought that this simple statement would be so difficult to understand. Raising the family is a 50-50 thing so I want me and my future partner to be able to do it together in any capacity.
One more thing, I’d like to remind you that this is my space so while I respect that the fact that people can pass comments, I’d appreciate it if you minimize the length of your comments because this is the last time I would grant you this audience that you prize so much so that you actually reminded me to air it at the end of your comment.
If you are so opinionated and you are dying to tell us your views on traditional, socital and gender issues, then I suggest you start your own blog and quit this invasion of my space. Please don’t forget that I would still welcome your disapprovals but I would only take your comments if they are moderate and devoid of all forms of sarcasms. Thank you.

My ex-Temi!

We met just about this time couple of years ago. He was really nice to me and sometimes I wonder whether leaving him was the best way out. We never had any fights or major issues, he was quick to apologise and he was hardly ever mad at me. Sometimes I liked it, other times it actually worried me because I thought he just might be acting and it felt too good to be true. Even though Temi is really nice and has a sweet personality he wasn’t moving at my pace and somehow, I just wasn’t prepared to be a part of that world anymore.Temi is an actor in Nigeria, and a talented one at that. Everyone loved him and he was content living in that world where you are a star and that’s all that matters. He lives with his family and I must say that are beautiful people too. I was happy when I was with them but it wasn’t the real world. Where I come from it will be hard to explain this place to them. It’s quite nice but certainly not the lifestyle or quality of life I want for my future. I recall feeling funny about his dressing, his wanting to make his hair for a movie role and even wanting to put relaxer on his hair. I wanted to change all that but how do I teach a man to leave a lifestyle he has always known and loved. I wanted more, more than just a husband in the movies, more than a life with inconsistent roles that just might stop coming in tomorrow, more than loads of years of waiting and hoping that things will fall into place. Truthfully, He was willing to grab any opportunity for a better career if it came by. He told me that he reasons with me and he would give what he takes so we could have a better future but I had neither the time nor patience to wait for a man dangerously approaching 40 to find his footing and get a more secure source of livelihood. The lights of my love for him had grown dim and my feelings suddenly changed, I had lost the will to continue holding on and I couldn’t pretend for much longer. I explained to him that I had to move on and he tried to make me see reasons. He’d never put me under pressure and so he watched me leave. We have barely spoken since the beginning of this year and ‘m sure that he had almost forgotten about me because he didn’t even remember to wish me a happy birthday until the day after.

Some days ago, he sent me all my pictures in a mail titled: You were happy! I wondered where this was coming from considering the fact that we had barely spoken lately. Was he trying to seek justification to move on or he just felt like making me me feel guilty?
I replied the mail saying:
happy easter.it will be nice if we can have a heart to heart chat instead of trying to put all the blame on me so you’d be justified.thanks for the pics and thanks for sending them in such a way that i can barely see them too.take care!
He sent me a reply that read:
hello luv,

happi easter to you too. since you were not so particular about the birth of christ, i thot you couldnt be botherd about easter… aside that my battery was near end and so i skipped the pleasantries.

anyhow,how have you been? and how is life without me?… honestly. i meant no harm wn i sent dem pix to you and cetainly not trying to blame you for anything. i only wanted to send your pix in a format that holds all in one box, hopin you would like it … but no. sorry if the pics didnt come out well, will resend dem.

concerning the HEART 2 HEART THING, maybe wen i am done trying to heal my wounds i can bring myself up to havin that talk and arguement and listen to escuses on both sides on a pre-meditated action. i hold nothin against you ( bare that in mind). as adults, we have every right to wat we say or do for good or bad. i knew long before now wen u stopped calling a few months ago…(wen u had ISSUES) dat you were not comfortable with our relationship(for reasons i dont know), but i promised myself i was not goin to impress it on you to stay. you might want to play back the tape of our relationship and ask yourself if you are making the right or wrong decission. we all need to move on( accordin to you), no doubt, but we also need to encourage each other and carry each other along. we had love, we had happiness, we had moments, we had joy. wat we didnt have was time and prabably patience.

i have missd you a great deal. i hope you are happi and all is well? despite the ups and downs, you deserve every right to be happy.

take care of you

TE..

Temi is a good person but I have asked myself if knowing what I want makes me a bad person. He didn’t deserve to be treated the way I treated him. I guess he’d find a woman who deserves all the love he can give someday but as for me, I can’t pretend to be content when I know that I’m not!

I Need A Hug!

Hey peeps,hope your week is kicking off on a great note.Just chilling and waiting for stuff to fall into place.I’m smiling a bit more now.By the way,I saw best friend for a minute yesterday and got a really warm hug.Nothing much has changed but i’ve been getting all the love in the world from my freinds and B.

I like it here,its peaceful and re-assuring.
I like the attention,a helping hand and
freinds to raise me up when falling
embrace this baby she could do with the luv
Please hold me closely
I need a Hug!

Best Friend!

Best friend said it all….he admitted that he was withdrawing. I know I have my faults too but I didn’t do so much for him to hurt me so. He has his reasons. He hasn’t told me much but I know enough to let go. I know enough to let him be and sought himself out as he has put it. I’m pained and he knows it. I’m not sure if he can imagine the depth of his actions but I know that deep down inside he knows that he has hurt me. He says he’ll make up for his actions and I don’t know how cos I’d never forget this phase. He turned his back when I needed him most. He let me down even when it came to very little things. He betrayed, our love, our friendship, our bond.

Best friend, I hope you know what it is you are doing and I hope it’s worth our friendship. What happened to the days when you used to jokingly tell me it was just both of us from our parents? Have you forgotten so soon that we were meant to have each other’s back thorough thick and thin? Remember how I laughed each time you said that you’d cook me owo soup to make me happy if that’s what it takes……Why, how, when did it all go wrong?…its really hard without you but I’m a fighter and I know I’d be fine. I hope you are happy cos you deserve it, we all do. I still miss you a lot and wish you only the good things in life. Goodbye my dearest!

…Sleepy

Today, I decided to start taking it really easy on myself. It’s not my fault that I have suddenly become so emotional and if fact vulnerable. Well, maybe it is .Anyways; I had a long chat with best friend today. Well, considering the fact that we have barely spoken in days, I regard it as long. He thinks I’m irrational and simply reading meanings. He says he hasn’t changed a bit and I’m the one that’s being paranoid. He admitted that he must have wronged me by being insensitive and he apologised but told me that he never forgave me for pouring my drink on him the last time I saw him. I thought all of that was over but I guess we have to blame out escapades on something. The chat didn’t change much but I think I feel lighter after letting out all my thoughts.
I have been home all day still battling with this my job search thing. I can’t wait till all these applications yield results sef cos I’m tired of being home and wallowing in self pity…..
It’s almost my bed time and best friend wont even pick up his phone. I guess it’s another night without saying good night. I’m getting used to it now…….its our new trend……………why is my face still messed up?…..I have to start work as a babe o, so this rubbish had better disappear from my face………nyte nyte!