Broken Pieces of Me!

What is this I see? Oh it’s a reflection,
Its blur…its vague…wait! Now I think I see
I see something, my eyes, they look sad but it’s me
What I see is my reflection, staring at me
Behold a splitting image of what used to be me
What happened to me, how long have I been gone?
Wait a second, its all coming back…….

He said he’d never leave me, he promised.
Day and night he was there. He held my hands. No…
I remember…….he took me in his arms he……
He was my best friend in need and also in deed.
But why, why were we crying, why was he sad
I said I was leaving; it made him feels so bad
I had to go, he said he’d look out for me, he said he’d always be there.

I tried to stay strong, my God I did. I had to be strong
I promised I’d be. I was his angel, his stronghold
I couldn’t afford to fall short and so I gave it my best.
It was too much for me, I was falling apart, it was so hard, too hard.
He said he’d be there for me, he said he’d catch me when I fall.
He lied, he watched me fall into a thousand pieces, into this broken me.
Why did he change….He said he’d never leave me, he promised.

I have longed endlessly for a smile that only he can bring
I have asked myself why I miss him so helplessly
I have waited for him to pick me up and tell me he’s not gone
My heart couldn’t take it any longer so I became this depressed me
My eyes are sad but I know they will be brighter by the day
I hate what I see but it strengthens me, I want to see a beautiful me
I can’t wait to be myself again; I’d get there, slowly but surely.

My beloved brother.

My younger brother turned 16 a couple of days ago and I was so caught up in my own world that I forgot to call him at least. Later that evening, ever loving mama called to remind me and that made me feel bad. I called my dear brother to wish him a happy birthday and promised to give him a great gift. I apologised for not calling earlier and started explaining how busy I have been and my brother cut me short. My little brother said that he totally understands, in fact he was just laughing and said “sister Chika, don’t stress yourself too much, I’m very fine and I just want you to be happy.” Few words, few words that brought tears to my eyes, few words that made me miss home and my beloved brother even more, few words that gave me hope and haven’t seized to serenade me since they elapsed into the air.

I recall when I went home for Christmas and it was time to return to the UK. I walked into my brother’s room to say goodbye and there he was, he was pale and he lay down in a lot of pain. Yes, Richard suffers from sickle cell and like so many times before he was down again. It was so difficult to leave him like that and how I fought to hold back the tears. I begged him to get up and try and eat something so he could take his medication. He struggled to get up and I knew he was doing it for me. He tried really hard to eat something and I sat there and watched him all through even though I had a flight to catch. I had to hurry so I hugged my brother and said goodbye. I saw the look in his eyes, he was sad; he didn’t want to see me leave him again. I held his hand and told him that he’d be fine. I told him to stay strong for me and I promised to call him again and again to check on him. Then again on second thoughts, I removed my sim card and gave him my phone. I sent for a new number for him and told him to text and flash me as many times as he wanted and I’d call him back to speak with him. His face lit up and I could tell he liked his new gift but he loved his sister even more. He staggered towards me and gave me a big hug, and then he smiled. That smile made my day, it gave me the courage to get up and leave.

Richard is a fighter and like many times before he got well sooner than I thought. My brother makes me laugh every single time we speak and of all my siblings he is the most selfless. He’d displease himself to please anyone and he’d sacrifice anything just to make another happy. My mother calls him the clown in the house because even when he is ill he still says all sorts of funny things just so we’d all laugh and take our minds away from his pain. Today and everyday I am grateful to God for my brother’s life and his strength. I’m done blaming anyone for his situation because I know that God has a reason for everything. I found succour in my brother’s words: “sister Chika, don’t stress yourself too much, I’m very fine and I just want you to be happy.”
I am happy Richard and it’s not just because God has strengthened you my brother but also because he gave you a heart of gold.

Lately!

Lately, I have derived pleasure from a lot of weird stuff. Lately I have I done and enjoyed the things I thought I wouldn’t do. Lately I have had loads of hurdles to cross and I’m crossing them slowly but surely. Lately I have formed new bonds and lately these are some of the things that I have enjoyed in blog land.

Zora performs Dear Son at Brave New Voices Prelims in NYC

Lately madsoulsista got me watching this video endlessly. I can’t get over how the poet conveyed the story it was so deep and meaningful. I love madsoulsista and lately I found the interesting little link to my blog on her page and I was really exited.

Lately I have celebrated overwhelmednaijababe’s 100th blog with her and of course I have thought about when I’d ever get there. I hope I do.