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Seconds of Doubts…

When I was young and free…
I so looked forward to the day when I would find IT
Just like in the movies, just as I have read it…
And from the very first until B I believed every moment was IT
Then B came and showed me how I was so wrong about the others
That he was IT and there could have been no other.
IT was beautiful, a feeling like no other but IT’s light grew dim
So I lost faith in IT and gave IT up cos I began to believe, there was really no IT
I grew older and wiser and learnt to make the most of every moment
Not caring about IT, No longer believing in any such thing as IT

Then one day I made a wish to a friend and that was IT
I found IT; maybe we found IT,
Just when and where we weren’t looking
I didn’t ask for it, I just wished it, quietly too,
Like the many impossibilities I had hoped for
Even when I knew it might never come to pass
Seemingly it’s happening and to me, isn’t it,
Is this really IT?

The beauty in what we share
The reality of what might become the rest of our lives
The assurance, that assurance that comes from every note in his voice
The voice that has caressed the very words that have held me captive
Too good to be true
The promises made for today and the many days ahead
It’s even most amazing…How we anticipate, despite its uncertainties…
That tomorrow we barely know yet have so readily planned for
I’m sure, most of the time….that this has to be IT…
But then it blows again every now and then
That wind of doubt…Not strong enough today
But loud enough cos my hears keep pick up the sound
The sound of the ‘what ifs’ and Maybe(s)
What if this isn’t it…Then I pray that I survive IT,
Maybe I’d never get over IT, if this isn’t IT
I’d be back to the plan, knowing and believing that there is no IT

I’d make up my mind cos I will be so done,
Done with that myth about cupid and its so called Love
I will look out for other things and make the best of Life
The future will be a plan we will both work out as partners
With one goal of building and keeping a family together
We will nurture special feelings and find love with our kids and family
I will say yes to one my favourite suitors at the time and just move on
This will become perfect plan for me,
Since I’d be convinced there is no IT. This passive plan will become IT.

But for Now… this passive plan, I have chosen to put away
For the sake of this moment that surely feels like IT.
This moment that feels so perfect and so pure.
It’s a life changing phase and all I want is to continue basking in the brightness this love has brought into my life.
I’d stay positive and despite these few seconds of doubt ….
I’d keep wishing, hoping, praying
That maybe…just maybe…
This surely is IT

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